The Landlubber Pirates
another fable for the kiddies by Robin Banks
Once upon a time there was a band of pirates. At least, they called themselves pirates, and they wore what they thought were pirate outfits -- black eyepatches, filthy bandanas and hats, worn-out parts of sailors' uniforms, and so on. They spoke in slang that they believed to be quite piratish: "Arr, matey! Shiver me timbers! Walk the plank!"
However, despite their clothing and speech and self-identification as pirates, they never left shore. In fact, they spent most of their time on the beach, using an old tarnished spyglass to watch other pirates put out to sea or make raids on frigates.
"Yarrrr!" they would shout when they spotted a pirate ship overtaking a merchant vessel. "Board 'em! Board 'em! No mercy for the merchant scum!" At the height of their excitement they would often unfurl a battered old Jolly Roger and wave it frantically in support of their seagoing brethren.