Dead Dogma Sketch (apologies to Monty Python)

A revolutionary goes into Marxism 2001

Revolutionary: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint

(the SWP does not respond)

R: 'Ello, Stalinist?

SWP: What do you mean 'Stalinist'?

R: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

SWP: We don't have time for your contribution, sorry.

R: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this
ideology what I embraced not half an hour ago at this
very conference.

SWP: Oh yes, the, uh, the Russian Bolshevik... What's, uh...
wrong with it?

R: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. Its dead,
that's what's wrong with it!

SWP: No, no, its, uh, . . . its resting.

R: Look, matey, I know a dead ideology when I see one,
I'm looking at one right now.

SWP: No no, its not dead, its resting! Remarkable ideology
the Russian Bolshevik, idn'it, ay? Beautiful rhetoric.

R: The rhetoric don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

SWP: Nononononono, no, no, its resting!

R: All right then, if its resting, I'll wake it up!

(shouting at the meeting)

'Ello Mister Bolshevik! Do you know that Lenin and Trotsky
advocated party dictatorship....

(SWP ignores point)

SWP: There, we replied to you.

R: No you didn't, that was you ignoring what I said.

SWP: We never!

R: Yes, you did!

SWP: We never, ever ignore anything...

R: (making the same point repeatedly)
Lenin and Trotsky eliminated workers democracy in the army and
in the workplace. The Bolsheviks disbanded soviets with non-Bolshevik
majorities. All before the start of the Civil War. Lenin and Trotsky
both advocated party dictatorship. Moreover, they explicitly argued
for it and *against* the idea of class dictatorship. This is your
nine o'clock alarm call!

(raises points at meeting and watches them get ignored).

R: Now that's what I call a dead ideology.

SWP: No, no.... No, it was stunned by the counter-revolution!

R: STUNNED?!?

SWP: Yeah, counter-revolution stunned it, just as it was about
to implement socialism, workers' power and democracy! The
Russian Bolshevik stuns easily, comrade.

R: Um . . . now look ... now look mate, I've definitely 'ad enough
of this. This ideology is definitely deceased and when I embraced
it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of
freedom and democracy in 1921 was due to it being tired and
shagged out following a prolonged civil war, yet these events
occurred before it started.

SWP: Well, its... its, ah ... probably pining for 1917.

R: PININ' for 1917!?!?!?! What kind of talk is that? Look, why
did it overthrow soviet democracy the moment it got rejected
in the soviet elections in spring 1918? Why did it abolish by
decree elected soldier committees in March 1918? Why did it
reject workers' self-management by factory committees and
advocate one-man management with dictatorial powers in the
spring of 1918?

SWP: The Russian Bolshevik prefers centralised power! Only that
is true democracy -- local elections, soldier councils and
factory committees don't matter when you have a central government
elected by the soviets. Remarkable ideology, id'nit, squire?
Lovely rhetoric!

R: Look, I took the liberty of examining that ideology when I
got home, and I discovered that the only reason that it was
still in power in 1921 was that it had imposed a one party
dictatorship, repressed all worker dissent, crushed waves
of strikes and protests and, finally, suppressed the Kronstadt
revolt (which was demanding free soviet elections). Moreover,
it justified party dictatorship and claimed it had to be used
in every revolution.

(pause)

SWP: Well, o'course it had to do that! If it hadn't crushed those
popular movements then the Whites would have won and no more
soviet power. Give it another chance and VOOM! Socialism!

R: VOOM!?! Mate, this ideology wouldn't go "voom" if you put
four million volts through it! Soviet Power without soviet
elections? Socialism without workers management of production?
Secret Police? It is "childish nonsense" to draw a distinction
between dictatorship by the party and by the class? "The
dictatorship of the proletariat is impossible in any other
way but through the dictatorship of the Communist Party"?
Its bleeding demised!

SWP: No no, its pining!

R: Its not pining! Its passed on! This ideology is dead!
It has long ceased to be revolutionary (if it ever was)! Its expired
and become a dictatorship! Its a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in
peace! Its analytical processes are now history! It shuffled away
from the socialist movement, imposed party dictatorship, and
justified it time and time again! This is an ex-socialist theory!

SWP: Well, I had better ignore what you are saying and keep repeating
the dogma.

(he takes a quick peek to the Central Committee)

SWP: Sorry comrade, I've checked and your three minutes are up and
we're right out of time.

R: I see. I see, I get the picture.

SWP: Fancy a copy of Socialist Worker?

(pause)

R: Pray, does it talk about anarchism, the *real* socialism from below?

SWP: Nnnnot really.

R: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

http://www.anarchistfaq.org

http://www.infoshop.org

http://www.struggle.ws/ws

"R" is rumored to be Iain McKay